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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23192719">Keeping up with the Karnage-shians</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlegato/pseuds/deadlegato'>deadlegato</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Talespin (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Kid Fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:22:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,748</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23192719</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlegato/pseuds/deadlegato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The cat... er, wolf... is out of the bag when Don Karnage's secret family reveals themselves to the air pirates. Now things are much more complicated with a six-year-old wolf and her mother, the mafia princess, in the picture. Especially when Karnage's daughter decides she wants to be friends with Molly Cunningham! (A series of short stories with the same theme)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A problem like Maria</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Author's note: I wanted to write some cute fic involving a villain character I like because it's quarantine and I was bored, but I did make some choices regarding this particular character and how they affected the story.  Don Karnage is ABSOLUTELY a narcissist; I think you'd have a hard time arguing otherwise.  This is why I made Donatella part of the mob. She needed to be a strong enough character to keep him in line in order for the story to work. He would simply steamroll over anyone who didn't have enough strength behind them to keep his worst impulses in check. So I'm not trying to write a "love reformed this character". He still loves himself more than anything. Maria is an extension of himself and he loves her in that capacity (as much as the idea of "love" other than self love can occur to him), and if he did anything too serious to hurt her, her mom would put him in an early grave. So yeah, I like writing cute fic, but I'm not trying to excuse or "reform" this character.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two pilots entered Louie’s place, looking somewhat stunned and shaking their heads.  “You boys look a little dazed,” one of the bartending monkeys pointed out.</p><p>“You’d be a little confused too if you’d just gotten robbed blind by a six-year-old!”  one of them blurted out.</p><p>Everyone within earshot stopped what they were doing, and the room grew quiet enough that you could hear a pin drop.  “Okay, you have to tell us this story,” the bartender prodded.</p><p>They had expected it to be a routine air pirate stop.  The air pirates were annoying, but an expected cost of doing business in the Cape Suzette area.  It was just one of those things you took out insurance for and hoped they wouldn’t look your way if you were carrying anything too irreplaceable.  They had not expected that the crew descending on them would be carrying a small girl with them. </p><p>She was a little red wolf girl in what appeared to be a kid’s pirate Halloween costume, complete with artificially jagged edges.  Her bright red head fur was styled into two long braids with giant black ribbons, decorated with skulls on top of the knot.   The immediate connection to the pirate leader was obvious, as she looked so much like him.  Despite that, she would have been adorable if she hadn’t had an entire squad of armed pirates behind her. </p><p>“Please to excuse the change in protocol, but it is my daughter’s birthday, and she wanted to help daddy.  Didn’t you, girl baby?” Karnage asked the little girl, setting her down on the plane floor.</p><p>“I’m not a baby, I’m a big girl!” she pouted. </p><p>Karnage prodded her slightly forward.  “Okay, dear, you are a very big brave girl.  Now remember what daddy told you to say to the fools.”</p><p>“Okay!” she said brightly and pulled out a very small sword from her belt.  “Give me all your stuff please!”  Noticeably, it appeared to be a real sword. </p><p>“Maria Anneliese Karnage! Mind your language,” her father corrected.  “Pirates do not say please.”</p><p>She nodded very seriously.  “Give me all your stuff, NOW!”  she corrected herself.   The pilots wanted to laugh, but they were afraid of how her parental unit and his goon squad would react.  She was tiny and ridiculous, but the situation itself was deadly serious.  They were also kind of in shock over the whole thing.  They knew Karnage was dangerously psychotic but bringing his small daughter along on a pirate raid seemed over the top even for him. </p><p>As the pirates were helping themselves to the plane’s cargo, Maria started urgently tugging on her father’s coat tails.  “Daddy, I have to go to the bathroom!” she whined.</p><p>“I told you to go before we left the Vulture.”</p><p>“I didn’t have to go poop when we left,” she answered.</p><p>Her dad grabbed her up and made a very hasty exit, ordering the crew to take care of the rest of the raid while he made an emergency run back to their flagship. </p><p>-</p><p>How had things come to this?  Well, that morning, everyone at Pirate Island had been lounging around the base until they got up the motivation to go out and stalk some planes for profit.  “Hey, boss?” Hacksaw asked, coming down from the radio room.  “There’s an incoming plane that isn’t one of ours but it’s giving a correct radio code.  What do I do?”</p><p>Karnage looked up from reading the Beautiful and the Damned.  “What radio code is it giving?”</p><p>“Diamond one-one-three-nine, fox nine-twelve, goddess.”</p><p>There was a pause, then a screech as his boss jumped to his feet.  “CLEAN UP EVERYTHING!” he shouted, waving his arms.  “Take all the trash and... I do not know... hide it under the rug! If you are not wearing the clothing, at least put a shirt on!  Hide the dirty magazines and try for once in your miserable lives to look presentable!” </p><p>When the plane landed inside the base, two thick bulldogs in suits stepped out.  You could immediately tell they were mob-associated from their look, the way they carried themselves, and even the type of machine guns they were holding.  Behind them emerged a very well-dressed wolf woman with short, wavy brown head fur and piercing brown eyes.  She was wearing an excessive amount of jewelry, and the pirates recognized several pieces as ones Karnage had kept for himself.</p><p>“Donatella, love of my life, light of my sky, what brings you to my humble base?”</p><p>She grabbed him by the front his coat.  “Don’t you love of my life me, you flea-bitten excuse for an alpha male.  Did you forget your own daughter’s birthday!?” she demanded.  Of course, they were speaking to one another in their native languages, so the rest of the group had no idea what they were saying.  Their native languages weren’t quite the same but were close enough that they could understand one another regardless, so each of them was speaking in a completely different tongue to the other. </p><p>“Of-of course not! What a silly notion! Ha ha ha!  The gift must be... ah... delayed in the mail?” </p><p>“You would think you’d be better at lying to me by now,” she said angrily and released him.  She looked up and down the ragged crew with a skeptical eye.  “Greetings, underlings,” she said, switching to English.  “You may cower in respect before me.  Otherwise, Bruiser and Cruiser will teach you how to do it,” she said.  She snapped her fingers, and the two thick bulldogs took a step forward. </p><p>The tension was suddenly broken by a very small wolf girl emerging from behind her mother, running down the boarding plank and jumping up into Karnage’s arms.  “DADDY!” she squealed happily, and her dad was glad to have her to use as a block between himself and her mother.</p><p>“Introduce us to your pack,” the woman ordered.</p><p>“Crew, this is my wife, Donatella,” he said, changing his position a little bit to be extra sure the little girl was between him and her mother’s wrath.  “And my daughter Maria.  Maria, Donatella, this is my crew.” </p><p>Jaws dropped in unison.  “Your- your WIFE?!” Dumptruck asked in absolute shock.  He would have thought, as the second mate, if anyone knew that his boss was married, he would have known.  He especially thought he would have known about a child. </p><p>“We are both from a very rare subspecies of wolf coming from the noble family lineage of the big bad wolf’s pack,” Donatella explained.  Her accent was far less garbled than her husband’s.  “Our marriages are very carefully arranged by the elders to ensure maintenance of the bloodline without inbreeding.  They arranged our wedding when we were children.  No one says no to the elders and lives to tell the tale,” she said through a wide, fanged grin.  Suddenly they understood why every other month, their boss would disappear for a week or so.  He would never tell anyone where he was going, and those who had tried to follow him... tended not to come back. </p><p>Switching once again back to speaking their own languages, Karnage asked, “While it is very nice to see you always, Donatella, why did you choose today to come to my humble island?”</p><p>“Because your daughter was going to cry if she didn’t get to spend her birthday with her daddy, and you know what my father does to anyone who makes my daughter cry,” she answered sharply.</p><p>“But, mi amor, I am very busy with the raids and the pirating and...”</p><p>“And you think I’m not busy?  I have a couple of men that will be meeting the fishies if they don’t bring what they owe me by five tonight.  Besides, it will be good for her to spend some time learning her father’s trade in case she decides she wants to take after your side of the family instead of mine.  Don’t try to tell me your job is no place for her.  She’s the child of two prominent crime families so she needs to learn how to get things done eventually.  I don’t want her growing up thinking women can’t be as feared as men.”</p><p>“Are you actually telling me to talk our six-year-old daughter out on a raid with me?”</p><p>“I am.  You think she hasn’t seen a hit or two by now?  This is nothing new for her.”  She reached over and ruffled the fur on their daughter’s head.  “You love to see the funny faces and noises people make when they fall down and go to sleep, don’t you?” </p><p>“Funny faces!” she replied cheerfully. </p><p>“I’ll be back for her on Monday.  If anything happens to her, don’t think that I would hesitate to put my own husband in a coffin.” </p><p>When she and her two goons took off again, the stunned pirates had nothing but questions.  The first one was obvious.  “Why- why didn’t you tell us you were married, boss?” Mad Dog asked.</p><p>“It is… complications,” he said, bouncing his daughter slightly and swinging her on his hip.  She was looking at the pirates with huge, shining eyes and wagging her tail.  He covered her ears with his hand long enough to answer them, not wanting his daughter to repeat his answer to her mother.  “It is not as much a marriage as a breeding arrangement.  They do not as care much for who I am, but who my parents and their parents were.  If you do not want cement boots, you do not say no to a proposition from La Familia.”</p><p>“Is this your only kid?” Mad Dog asked.</p><p>“Yes, not for lack of trying,” he answered shortly. </p><p>Maria was getting bored with the questioning and squirmed out so that her ears were uncovered.  “What’s his name?” she asked, pointing directly at Mad Dog’s face.</p><p>“This is my first mate, Mad Dog.”</p><p>She blinked, then cocked her head curiously to the side.  “Why are you mad?” she asked, looking at him.</p><p>“I’m… it’s… it means I’m big and dangerous and scary,” he said, trying to flex his arms.  It wasn’t very impressive. </p><p>“Why aren’t you Scary Dog?” she asked.</p><p>“I mean, I’m just… um… not…”</p><p>“Why?” she asked.</p><p>Karnage tried to redirect her attention.  “Over here in the very stylish hat, we have my second mate, Dumptruck,” he introduced.</p><p>“Hello, little lady,” he said, giving her a slight bow.</p><p>“Hi Dumb Tuck!” she cried excitedly.  The other pirates snickered. </p><p>Jock saw his opportunity to FINALLY correct his name and possibly get Karnage to stop calling him Scotty.  “Hello, Maria.  I’m-“</p><p>“Scotty!” she cried happily, pointing.  “That’s Scotty daddy!” Poor Jock wanted to cry.  She pointed over at Hal.  “Hal is a kitty.  Gibber wears boots like daddy,” she said.  Dumptruck and Mad Dog were both annoyed that Karnage seemed to have bothered to teach his daughter the names of the other pirates, but not their names. </p><p>“Do you know who I am?” Hacksaw asked.</p><p>She seemed to be thinking very hard.  “Stinky?” she asked, which set off another round of laughter from the pirates. </p><p>“I told you, you need to do your laundry, man,” Hal said.  Rachet was down in his workshop, and Sadie and Will were… somewhere.  For the moment, that took care of introductions.    </p><p>-</p><p>Everything was going reasonably well with fatherhood duties.  The crew even managed to get Maria down for a nap with relatively little fuss.  It wasn’t until it was time for dinner that things became problematic again.</p><p>“I don’t like it,” she said, pushing her plate away and sticking out her tongue.  “It’s smelly,” she said with a frown. </p><p>“At least try it before you knock on it,” Karnage argued back. </p><p>“I don’t want it,” she insisted, arms crossed.  She was sitting on a pile of pilfered books, since the pirates didn’t exactly have a dedicated highchair around.</p><p>“Aw, come on,” Dumptruck said.  “Look, it’s very yummy.  Yum yum yum,” he said, trying to emphasize to her that it was, indeed, edible.</p><p>“If you think its yummy you eat it,” she said, picking up the plate and squashing it directly in this face. After the plate fell off, it left a streak of food across the poor pirate’s face. </p><p>“She’s definitely your daughter, captain,” he said dryly. </p><p>“I want spaghetti!” she insisted angrily. </p><p>“We don’t have any spaghetti.”</p><p>“I WANT SPAGHETTI!” she said angrily.  Then she started to howl, which was the wolf child equivalent of a screaming tantrum.  It was hard to believe such a tiny wolf could make so much noise.  It was making the pirates ears’ hurt. </p><p>“Okay, okay, we’ll find the spaghetti! Just stop screaming!” Karnage said, hands over his ears. </p><p>She immediately stopped and wagged her tail.  “Thanks daddy, love you.” </p><p>Of course, though, it wasn’t like pirates could exactly just go to the market and pick up whatever they wanted.  Finding a plane carrying the exact groceries she wanted in the timeline an angry six-year-old would tolerate was a tall order.  There was one other option, although Karnage didn’t like it.  It was dealing with Louie’s place and hoping they would have what she wanted.</p><p>-</p><p>It turned out that Karnage was not the only man dealing with entertaining a small girl on that day.  Rebecca had come down with a very bad cold.  Baloo and Kit had agreed to watch Molly, although Rebecca hadn’t seemed very sold on the idea.  After a failed attempt to cook for Molly, to the point where that pan would never be useable again, they decided to make a quick jaunt out to Louie’s.  Only after they had sworn Molly to absolute secrecy, of course.  Baloo was therefor very displeased to see the pirates show up. </p><p>Louie also didn’t like the pirates dropping by.  “What are you doing here?  You know you’re not welcome,” he said coldly when Karnage and his two closest minions stormed into the place.</p><p>“I am not here for the fight, nor am I in the mood for one.  Just please tell me you sell spaghetti.” </p><p>Louie was kind of surprised.  After a moment, he asked “This wouldn’t have anything to do with a rumor of a six-year-old pirate, would it?” he asked.</p><p>Before Karnage could answer, Maria popped up from behind the pirates and shouted “HI HI,” waving. </p><p>“Maria, I told you to wait in the plane,” Karnage said, grabbing her hand.</p><p>“The plane is boring,” she said stubbornly.    It was then that she noticed Molly peeking out from Baloo, who was trying to hide her from the pirates.  Her eyes lit up and her tail was going fast enough to make a breeze.  “HI HI! I’m a pirate, I’m six!” she said, breaking away from her father and running towards Molly.</p><p>“Hi!” Molly said, jumping out from Baloo.  “I’m Molly, and I’m six too, who are you?”</p><p>“I’m Maria,” she replied excitedly. </p><p>Karnage shouted Maria’s name at the same time Baloo shouted Molly’s name, and they both pulled their respective girls backwards.  “We don’t talk to smelly cargo pilots,” Karnage informed her.</p><p>“Smelly?! At least I don’t have fleas,” Baloo shot back.</p><p>“But daddy, I want to sit with Molly!” she said, pointing.</p><p>“And I want to sit with Maria,” Molly agreed.</p><p>“NO!” their parental stand-ins both said in unison.</p><p>Equally in unison, the girls began to sniffle as their little eyes filled with tears.</p><p>And that was how Baloo and Kit ended up at one table, glaring at the Air Pirates seated at the next table, while Molly and Maria were coloring together.  They had brought one of Molly’s coloring books and her crayons.  Molly was coloring on the left page and Maria was coloring on the right page. </p><p>“My daddy is a pirate!” Maria said excitedly.  She pointed at Baloo.  “What’s your daddy?”</p><p>“Baloo’s not my dad, he works for my mom,” Molly responded.</p><p>Maria nodded.  Considering her mother’s position, the idea of men working for a woman wasn’t strange to her.  “Is he a caporegime or a solider?”  Of course, the words didn’t come out pronounced perfectly. </p><p>“He’s a pilot?” Molly answered in confusion. </p><p>“Your daughter is in the mob?’ Baloo asked incredulously, noticing her use of words.</p><p>“Of course not,” Karnage scoffed.  “Her mother is.”</p><p>“I didn’t know he had a kid,” Kit said quietly enough that Baloo would hear it but Karnage would not. </p><p>After looking back and forth a few times between Baloo and her dad, Maria said “I bet my dad would beat your Baloo in a fight.”</p><p>“He would not!” Molly argued back.</p><p>“Would too!”</p><p>“Would not!”</p><p>“DAD!”</p><p>“Baloo!” </p><p>That was how Baloo found himself engaged in an unexpected arm-wrestling match with Karnage.  They were both extremely dedicated to the idea of not losing, so things were getting as things could get in an arm-wrestling fight.  The tables at Louie’s were not the best balanced of tables, however, and before a conclusion could be reached the uneven weight they were putting on the table caused it to flip, spilling both across the floor.  The girls thought it was hilarious.  That seemed to be how an arm-wrestling match can come to a draw. </p><p>“Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack, all dressed in black black black, with silver buttons buttons buttons, all down her back back back” Maria taught Molly as they clapped together.  Molly laughed loudly when they got to the section about the elephant jumping so high that he didn’t come back.  The girls played and played until they both were so tired they were falling asleep in their chairs.  Not that either of their caregivers minded having their excitable wards wind down.  Carrying their sleepy kids back to their respective planes was preferable to having to chase the kids down to the docks.</p><p>It was only later when Karnage was preparing his daughter for a bath that he noticed a change in her outfit.  As he was untying her braids, he discovered that one of her black hair ribbons had been swapped for a blue ribbon.  “Where did you get this?” he asked, looking over it.</p><p>“I traded with Molly,” she said brightly.  “I can tie the bow myself because I’m a big girl!” </p><p>Back in Cape Suzette, Rebecca was glad to have gotten some sleep, but she was far happier to have her daughter back safely.  She even thought that perhaps Baloo hadn’t messed things up.  That was, until she noticed the change in ribbons.  “Balooooooo… what is this?” Rebecca asked, although it came out in a snuffy nasally tone.  She was holding the black ribbon with the skull on it.  Baloo hadn’t even noticed the swap, because noticing outfits wasn’t really his thing.  Well, he was also kind of distracted considering the weird night he had just experienced.  “Why is my daughter wearing a ribbon with a pirate skull and crossbones on it?” </p><p>“Um…” he replied nervously. </p><p>Back at Pirate Island, Karnage noted the extreme irony of giving his daughter a bath.  She was the one who took the bath.  He was the one who got thoroughly soaked.  “Daddy, sing me a song,” she said with a yawn as he put her into bed.</p><p>It took him awhile to mentally go through all the songs he knew to find one that would be appropriate for a sleepy young child.  Finally, he settled on a safe choice.  She was asleep by the time he finished “Oh Shenandoah, I love your daughter, and hear your rolling river.  For her I'd cross your roaming waters, way, we’re bound a way, across the wide Missouri.” </p><p>Nothing else exciting happened between then and Monday.  Mostly, the other pirates played games like hide and seek with Maria.  That was, until not being able to find Maria for close to an hour threw her father into an absolute blind panic.  It turned out she’d fallen asleep while hiding.  Donatella was in a significantly better mood when she returned as well.</p><p>“How was your working weekend?” Karnage asked in his language.</p><p>“I got brains on my best heels, so not the best,” she answered in hers.  “Yours?”</p><p>Maria was sound asleep on his shoulder.  “I think she had a good time.” </p><p>Donatella shook her head, giving a soft smile.  “You did a good job with her.  I shouldn’t have been so short with you.  I’ve been under a lot of stress with work, but I’m sure your work is also stressful.”</p><p>“No, you were right.  I shouldn’t have forgotten our daughter’s birthday.”</p><p>“Well… I hope you’re prepared to have to remember a second one,” she said as she took the sleeping Maria back in her arms.  “I’m pregnant again.  The family is hoping this one will be a boy, but I think I would like another girl,” she said.  “I’ll see you in two months.”  With that, she turned around and returned to her plane, leaving her husband behind stammering in shock. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Legend of La Llorna</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Don Karnage tells Maria a ghost story, but it isn't Maria who gets scared.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was getting late on Pirate Island, but Maria Karnage was still running laps around the main bay, easily outrunning the pirates who were trying to catch her.  Her long auburn braids bounced behind her.  Other than having more feminine features and auburn head fur, she could have been a miniature duplicate of her father.  She certainly had inherited a significant amount of his personality. </p><p>The air pirates had instituted a game of tag to try to tire her out, but it turned out she had far more energy than they had anticipated.  The chase only stopped when her father stepped directly in her path and grabbed her, picking her up in an upside-down grip.  She laughed and kicked her legs.</p><p>“Stop the squirming, Maria,” Don Karnage gently ordered.  “It is time for you to get your beauty sleep, yes?”</p><p>“But I’m not tired yet, daddy,” she pouted.  “And I’m already beautiful!”</p><p>“That is true, my princess, but the sleeping is important to growing up strong.  Besides, it is not important just to sleep for beauty.  You must be in bed safe and sound so that la Llorona does not snatch you up,” he said as he turned her right side up and set her back on the group.</p><p>“La Llorna?” she asked.  The other pirates, collapsed in a panting heap, were also listening curiously to the conversation.  “What’s that?”</p><p>“Not what, who,” her father corrected as Maria and the pirates listened intently.  “This is a story my father told me when I was a pup, and his father told him.  There once was a beautiful white wolf.  She was married to a very rich man, and they had two pups.  One terrible day, she discovered that her husband was cheating on her with a younger woman.”</p><p>“The cad!” Maria interjected with a gasp.</p><p>“Yes, a terrible deed,” her father agreed, carrying her upstairs to his quarters.  He didn’t notice the other pirates following, eager to hear the rest of the story.  “However, what the woman did was far worse than her husband’s actions.  In her angry-sad, she taken her young pups to a raging river.  Then, she- she jumped in!  But when she reached the heaven, the guards asked her children were.  The guards told her that until she found her children, she could not go inside.  She is doomed to wander the world, crying the tears, looking for her lost children.  If she finds any naughty pups awake late at night, she mistakens them for her own.”</p><p>“Then what, daddy?” Maria asked.</p><p>“She snatches them away to the land of the dead!” her father said as he tossed her in the air and caught her, touching their noses together as Maria giggled.  “That is why you must get in bed when you father says, so you do not get taken away by La Llorna, the crying white wolf.” </p><p>“But why don’t you have to be in bed too then, daddy?”</p><p>“Because I am not the child, so she does not mistake me for her pups.  On the other side, though, my father told me that sometimes she mistakes young men for her terrible husband when they walk alone under the moon.” </p><p>“Then what does she do?” Maria asked intently.</p><p>“No one knows, because those men are… never seen again!” her father finished dramatically. </p><p>Maria thought for a minute, then giggled.  “You’re just trying to scare me, daddy.”</p><p>“Maybe, but it is better to be the safe than the sorry, yes-no?” he asked.  As he entered the captain’s quarters and closed the door behind himself, the other pirates turned to each other.</p><p>“Do… do you think dat story was true?” Dumptruck asked nervously. </p><p>“Of-of course not,” Mad Dog said, waving him off.  “It’s just a story to scare kids into staying in bed at night.”  The other pirates laughed nervously in agreement, and the group broke off to go their separate ways.</p><p>-</p><p>As Mad Dog and Dumptruck walked their night watch shift, they were joking about being scared by such a childish story.  The fact that they couldn’t stop talking about it betrayed that they were bothered by it, despite their claims otherwise.  “This is ridiculous,” Mad Dog sighed.  “We’re grown men jumping at every shadow because of a stupid children’s ghost story.  There’s no way such a stupid story could be- be- Dumptruck? What’s wrong?” he asked.</p><p>Dumptruck had froze in place, turning pale white.  “Do… do you hear dat?” he asked nervously.</p><p>“Hear what?”</p><p>“Sssh sssh, listen!” he whispered.</p><p>Mad Dog was quiet.  After a few moments, he heard it.  He could hear someone crying quietly.  His fur stood on end.  “I… I bet one of the others is trying to s-spoke us…” he said.  “C-c-come on, let’s find them and give them a scare back!” he said.  As they passed a narrow window on their search, however, he stopped dead in his tracks, eyes practically leaping out of his head.  “D… Dumptruck….” He whined in a terrified voice.</p><p>On the shores of the island, along the trees, they could see a white form flapping its pale arms.</p><p>Mad Dog and Dumptruck burst screaming into their captain’s quarters, diving under his bed.  Maria and Don Karnage were both startled awake, and Maria almost fell out of the cot they had set up for her. </p><p>“What’s happening, daddy?” Maria screamed, leaping up into her father’s arms.</p><p>“I have monsters under my bed,” her father said angrily.  “Stupid, UGLY, monsters.  What are you idiots doing?” he demanded, dragging them out by their ankles.</p><p>“L…. l… l….”</p><p>“Spit it out!” Karnage demanded.</p><p>“La Llorona is here to get us!” they cried, grabbing into their captain like frightened toddlers.  Maria broke out crying.</p><p>Karnage shoved them off and picked up Maria, patting her back to calm her.  “What are you doing, trying to scare my daughter?!”  </p><p>“But… but… captain! It’s true! It’s true!” they cried.  They knew better than to point out that he had started it by telling the scary story earlier. </p><p>Karnage grabbed his robe and struggled to put it on while not letting go of a weeping Maria.  “Take me to this so-called ghost so I can give it the pieces of my mind!” he demanded with a growl.</p><p>They practically dragged Karnage with them to the window.  “Look, look!” they pointed, quivering and shaking in place.  If they had any boots, they would be shaking in them.</p><p>Karnage narrowed his eyes, frowning.  “Do you know what is where that shape flaps?”</p><p>Mad Dog and Dumptruck blinked.  “No?”</p><p>“THE CLOTHESLINE, YOU MUSH FOR BRAINS!” he shouted.  With his free hand he pointed.  “That is the white shirt on the line!”</p><p>Mad Dog and Dumptruck looked again.  Suddenly, with their context changed, they saw it.  It was, indeed, a white shirt that had been left out on the line.  Now that they looked closer, there was a blue shirt left out on the line as well, blowing next to the white shirt.  Maria also pulled her face out of her father’s chest and looked.  The front of his robe was now entirely covered in snot.  She sniffled loudly. </p><p>“But… but… we heard someone crying!”</p><p>“What’s the commotion up here?” Jock asked, climbing up the stairs.</p><p>“Phew, what is the commotion of your breath?” Karnage asked, waving his free hand in front of his face.</p><p>“I was hungry for a midnight snack of French onion soup,” Jock explained with a shrug.</p><p>“Hungry for… tell me, where you cutting the onions?!” Karnage demanded.  “And maybe… crying? Yes-no?”</p><p>“How did you know, captain?” Jock asked incredulously.</p><p>“Two stupid birds twittered the words in my ear,” he answered, glaring at Mad Dog and Dumptruck.  They shrank away.  Suddenly, the remembered that their boss was far scarier than any ghost story.  They wished they had remembered that earlier.  “I did not anticipation that a story meant for children’s ears would turn my crew into simpering babes!”</p><p>Maria rubbed her eyes, her own crying finished.  “Baby, I am sorry, I should have waited until you were older to tell that story.  I mistaked my CREW being mature enough for a simple ghost story!”</p><p>“It’s okay, daddy, I wasn’t scared until they said the ghost was here,” she said quietly with a final sniff.  “I feel better now that I know it’s just a shirt.”</p><p>“That is the truth about most ghosts, my princess.” </p><p>“I still think I want to sleep in your bed tonight though,” she replied. </p><p>“Of course, baby.  For the punishment, I should make them go get that shirt right now!”</p><p>“O… out there? IN THE DARK?” Mad Dog stammered.</p><p>“Don’t do that, daddy,” Maria interjected.  “I gotta better idea.”</p><p>The following day, a thoroughly embarrassed Dumptruck and Mad Dog sat at a tiny table with Maria.  “More tea, Duke Dumptruck?” Maria asked.  They had been forced into too small "fancy clothes" from leftover from past raids, practically bursting out at the seams.  Mad Dog was starting to think he would have preferred being attacked by a weeping ghost over being forced to do whatever the captain’s daughter ordered for an entire day. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Oh my golly, Molly!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Molly makes an unintended visit to Maria.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Good morning, daddy!” Maria shouted as she launched her entire forty-five-pound body directly onto her father’s chest. </p><p>“Maria, why are you waking before the sun?” the dreaded pirate captain Don Karnage groaned in response.  Even though he was already wearing a black satin sleep mask, he pulled a pillow over his face for extra emphasis.</p><p>“If you didn’t make me go to bed so early maybe I’d sleep later,” she answered as she stuck out of her tongue.  “Come on dad, I’m hungry!”</p><p>“Hello hungry, I am dad, and dad is tired,” he answered, rolling over so Maria fell off his chest and back onto the bed. </p><p>“Why do all dads make that joke?” Maria asked, sitting up.</p><p>“It is the law,” he yawned.  “When you have pups, they make you sign the paper promising to making the bad jokes.”</p><p>Maria thought for a minute.  “But dad, we’re pirates.  We don’t follow the law.”</p><p>“Some laws even pirates cannot break,” he yawned.  Like the law of gravity.  He hated the law of gravity.</p><p>“Okay, dad, if you’re not going to get up, I guess I’ll just have to go cook my own breakfast,” Maria said with a stern frown, getting up and walking as if she was going to let herself out of the room.</p><p>“Okey-doke, yes yes,” he yawned.  After a few more moments of resting and realizing exactly what might happen if Maria decided to cook on her own, he sat bolt upright and shouted, “Do not do that!”</p><p>Now that she had her dad sitting up, the victory was hers. “What are we going to do today?” Maria asked, wagging her tail as she ran back to her father’s beside.</p><p>“Maria, mind your tail. We are wolves, not mere dogs.  We are far more dignified. Now, I am thinking of raiding a few rubes, some light plundering and pillaging, maybe some general mayhem,” he answered through a yawn and a stretch.  “What if I let you pick the plane we raid today, and you can give me the spoils as a present!”</p><p>She hugged his neck so tightly it was almost choking. “You’re the best, daddy.”</p><p>“I know I am, princess,” he responded with a slight gag.</p><p>.</p><p>“I want that one, daddy!” she said, pointing through the clouds. </p><p>“You have your daddy’s good taste, princess. That is a very expensive plane, very new, and very far away from the normal flight routes and anyone who might stick their nose into our business.”</p><p>It was a largish white plane with gaudy painted-on fake gold trim. It reminded Karnage of a goose just waiting to be plucked.  Catching it was almost too easy.  The pilot clearly had no experience with taking evasive flight measures, which pleased Karnage. Easy prey wasn’t as fun, but sometimes he didn’t feel like working up a sweat going after a payoff.  The other pirates dragged two older yellowish-brown bears and a trembling, weeping white rabbit in a valet’s uniform off the plane.</p><p>“Greetings, Mr and Mrs- ah, I did not catch your name. No, no, no. Do not tell me. I do not care,” he said through a huge, sharp grin at them.  “Welcome to the kingdom of Don Karnage!” </p><p>“Let us go!” the male bear demanded.  He tried to break the pirate’s grips, so they shoved the tips of their blades into his back. “You… you wouldn’t dare hurt us! We’re very important!”</p><p>“Darling, what say you to that?”</p><p>“If they want to go, we should let them go.”</p><p>“Very well, princess. Gentlemen, show our guests the door,” Karnage said with a wave of his hand.</p><p>The pirates opened one of the small side doors of the Vulture.  Only then could the bear couple truly realize how high up they were, and what a drop down into nothing but miles and miles of ocean was below them.  When they stood in place, staring out the door, Karnage raised an eyebrow as if he were genuinely surprised.  “What? We gave you the opportunity to leave, and you did not take it. You must be here by your own free will then, no?”</p><p>“Captain, captain! We found something else!” Hacksaw announced. Maria’s eyes got huge when they brought her friend Molly out of the back.</p><p>“Molly!”</p><p>“Maria! Help, they kidnapped me!” Molly cried. The pirates tried to hold her back, but she stomped their toes and then ran to her friend’s side.</p><p>“We did not! We are this girl’s paternal grandparents,” the male bear snapped. “We have a court order to take custody of our granddaughter from her immoral single mother.”</p><p>“Reaaaaaaally? May I see this court order?” Karnage asked.</p><p>“I’ll bring it to you, please don’t hurt me,” the rabbit pleaded. Karnage nodded and flicked his hand, and the pirates released the rabbit.  He scurried back inside and emerged with a stack of papers in his hand and brought them to Karnage with a low, groveling bow.</p><p>“I like your style,” Karnage snorted, noticing the rabbit showing proper respect for the presence of a bloody pirate captain. “Ah…?”</p><p>“H-Harvey, sir. Your lordship,” the rabbit whimpered.</p><p>“Very nice papers, how much bribe did you pay to get them?” Karnage asked them.</p><p>“We- we didn’t bribe anyone, the court rightfully saw that Molly should be raised by two moral parents instead of a pants-wearing son-killing nasty woman,” the female bear finally spoke up.</p><p>“They picked me up from daycare with those papers. Mommy doesn’t even know I’m gone yet!” Molly said. She was clearly upset, and Maria was trying to comfort her friend.</p><p>“Look, Mr. Karnage,” the female bear said in the kind of tone one would use when trying to convince a naughty child to settle down.  His ears went back.  Strike one was calling him mister instead of using his proper title.  “You have a daughter too, right? So, you must understand our position. You wouldn’t want your wife taking your daughter away from her loving grandparents and living in sin with a slovenly cargo pilot.  Please listen to logic, Mr. Karnage.  Molly, she… she doesn’t have a father, because that woman killed our son!” the female bear wept.  “She killed him! He was so upset about the divorce that he… that he…”</p><p>“Girls, do you hear an annoying whining noise?” Karnage asked.  “It is making my sensitive ears hurt.  If my anyone tried to steal my daughter, this is what I would do with their silly court papers,” he responded, and gleefully shredded the papers into confetti.</p><p>The male bear got so angry that his yellowish face flushed orange.  “Destroying those papers doesn’t change the court ruling.  If anything, you’ve proved our point.  That… that WOMAN allowed our precious granddaughter to be friends with pirates! Vicious little bush-tailed chicken thieves have no place lecturing us about… anything!” Any sane person would have realized that insulting someone whose goons had knives to your back was a bad idea.  This man was clearly not sane.</p><p> The room got so quiet you could hear a pin drop. All the pirates were holding their breaths.  Maria took Molly and pulled her aside, as she could see every muscle in her dad’s body had tensed up, including his teeth clenching.</p><p>“What… did… you… call… us?” he asked slowly. His first instinct was to get up and pistol whip that man across the face, but then he realized Maria and Molly were looking on. He could have told the girls to cover their eyes and ears, but he didn’t want to risk traumatizing them.  Although he wasn’t sure Maria could be traumatized.  She thought mob hits were funny. </p><p>“You want some more, you damn half-bred coyote?”</p><p>You could practically hear the snap as the last straw for Karnage broke.  “You have insulted my daughter, and worse, you have insulted me.  Maria, what ever shall I do to them?!”  </p><p>“Make them walk the plank!” Maria replied brightly.  Her cheerful tone kind of scared Molly. </p><p>“Hmm, hmmm.  Well then, my most ill-behaved guests, I will give you one last chance.  This is the part where you fall on your knees, ask forgiveness, and beg for your miserable, insignificant lives! It is my favorite sound!”</p><p>“Begging is for dogs,” the male said coldly.  “You should know that.”</p><p>“Wait, wait!” Harvey, pleaded. “I’ll beg! I’ll beg!  Not only that, but they trust me with everything! I know their bank accounts!  Their safety deposit boxes!! Their safe combination even! Please! I’ll let you have it all, just let me live!” he pleaded. “Please, I’m just a hired servant! I have twelve kids to support!”</p><p>“Maria?” Karnage asked.</p><p>“That guy knows how to show proper respect to a pirate,” Maria replied. “I think he can buy his life, dad.  Pirates all about the cash.” Karnage didn’t know where she’d picked up that phrase from.  Probably one of her mob uncles. </p><p>“If… if we go missing, they’ll send out the biggest search team you’ve ever seen to look for us!  You miserable mangey butt-sniffers won’t be able to hide what you’ve done,” the male bear continued to rage.</p><p>“My, but we must make sure they find you then!” Karnage replied in a cheerful tone.  We must make sure they find an oil slick and pieces of your plane floating between here and Cape Suzette.  A very tragic accident.  I will shed a tear when I read it in the news.”  </p><p> “I’m tired of talking, daddy.  PLANK! PLANK!” Maria cheered. A couple of the other pirates joined in with her, until Karnage raised his hands to silence them.</p><p>“Now, now, now, dear.  Let us not be the hasty puddings, no?  You see, my princess and my peons, you can only kill someone once.  But if you make someone’s life living in hell, you can do that every day!”</p><p> .</p><p>“You… you can’t do this to us! You can’t do this to us!” the older male bear protested in rage as the pirates shoved the two bears onto the beach of a small, deserted island.</p><p>“You have a funny definition of can’t,” Maria said, sitting on her dad’s shoulders.</p><p>“Do not fret too much, there are plenty of coconuts and egg laying birds on this island.  Don Karnage is not cruel enough to starve someone to death.  Every once in a long while, a cargo ship might even pass close enough to rescue you.  See how kind I am?  I even leave you crumbs of hope.”</p><p>“I am going to get you! I am going to get you, that nasty woman, her nasty pilot, all of you! I’ll get my revenge! You mark my words!”</p><p>“Words, words, words,” Maria sighed.</p><p> “Are they really going to be okay?” Molly asked as they returned to the Vulture. </p><p>“You’re too nice, Molly, you shouldn’t worry about what will happen to people that tried to kidnap you!” Maria chided.</p><p>Molly made a face. “You know your dad has tried to kidnap me, right?”</p><p>“On that subject… what shall I do with you, Miss Molly?” Karnage interrupted.  “My normal inclinations would be to send your parents a ransom request, but I have a feeling my princess would-“</p><p>“Get very cross with you for ransoming my friend, yes,” Maria said.  When Maria got upset, her mom got upset.  When Maria’s mom got upset, her father would get upset.  When Maria’s grandfather was upset, people ended up swimming with the fishies.      </p><p>“A pirate has to make some money, yes-no?” he asked.</p><p>“We have their plane and the bunny is going to give us all their money.  Isn’t that good enough?”</p><p>“I almost forgot about the bunny.”</p><p>“You can forget about me if you want,” Harvey stammered.  </p><p>“Molly, you should be a pirate with me!” Maria suggested.  </p><p>“I’d miss my mommy though,” Molly replied.</p><p>“I kinda see your point. I miss my mommy too.  Mommy’s doctor put her on bedrest because of the baby in her tummy, so mommy said I should live with daddy until she’s better.  I love daddy, but…”    </p><p>Molly sighed. “It must be nice to have a mommy and a daddy.”  There was a hint of jealousy in her voice.  She knew Maria’s dad was crazy, but… crazy dad sometimes seemed like it might be better than no dad.</p><p>“But you’ve got Baloo and Kit! They may not be blood, but they’re your pack. And the strength of the wolf- or, I guess, bear too- is the strength of the pack.”</p><p>“Bears don’t make packs.”</p><p>Maria narrowed her eyes. “That’s why you gotta be a pirate, Molly. If someone tells a pirate they can’t do something, they say forget you, I’m a pirate, I do what I want. There are bears in daddy’s pack, right daddy?”</p><p> “Hm? Oh, sorry princess, daddy was thinking.”</p><p>“Dad, we can drop Molly off at Louie’s place and Louie can call Baloo to come get her,” Maria suggested.</p><p>“You just want to eat the sugary snack foods there instead of the healthy food your mother packed.”  </p><p>“Mommy doesn’t have to knoooooow…”</p><p>.</p><p>The monkeys all immediately went on full alert, grabbing up anything they could see as a weapon, when Karnage showed up with Molly.  She immediately shouted “Wait, they didn’t kidnap me, I’m just spending the day with my friend Maria!” Karnage had made her promise *not* to tell the general public that he’d actually (although accidentally) rescued her.  He had a reputation to protect.</p><p>There was a long pause, and Louie cleaned his ears. “You wanna repeat that? Is it opposite day? Did someone declare it opposite day without telling me?”</p><p>“Could you call Baloo on the radio and tell him that Molly is ready to be picked up? Also, can you tell him Molly’s grandparents dropped her off? That part is really important,” Maria said.  “Now, I want spaghetti!”</p><p>“You always want spaghetti,” her father pointed out. “Do you not eat anything else?”</p><p>“Not if I can help it,” Maria smiled back.</p><p>.</p><p>By the time they received Louie’s call, the Higher for Hire crew already knew that Molly had been taken out of daycare by her grandparents and were making a frantic sweep of the air in a desperate attempt to find her before they got too far away.  The relief they felt when they heard she had been safely dropped off at Louie’s couldn’t be measured in any units known to man or beast.</p><p>“Molly!” her mother shouted, bursting into the restaurant.  The two girls looked up from the malt drink they were sharing.  “Molly, you’re safe, you- YOU!” she then said, her voice doing a complete 180 from delight to anger.  “What are YOU doing here?!” she asked, pointing a sharp finger at Karnage. </p><p>“To make a short story from a long story, your very interesting relatives flew a nice plane into pirate territory. Quite foolish of them, if you ask me.”</p><p>“I didn’t ask,” she sighed.  “What I’m afraid to ask, because I’m probably not going to like the answer, is what did you do to them?”</p><p>“I did not ruffle one hair on their heads. Is that not right, Miss Molly?”</p><p>“Well, he didn’t hurt them, that’s true…”</p><p>“So… what did you…?”</p><p>“I just introduced them to the lovely concept of retiring on a sandy beach on their own private island without any distractions of the modern world to ruin their sunset view.”</p><p>Baloo looked at Rebecca.  “He’s speaking English, but at the same time, he’s not…”</p><p>“He means he marooned them somewhere,” Kit sighed, having to fill the role of Karnage translator.</p><p>There was a very long pause.  “You are debating if you want to save them or not, yes-no?” Karnage asked finally.</p><p>“Yes. No. I mean…” she sighed.  “I mean… we really shouldn’t leave them stranded on a desert island by pirates, no matter how much I hate them.  So, where are they?”</p><p>“Twenty dollars,” Karnage replied.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Twenty dollars per hint. Also, I told Mr. Louie that you will be paying our bill for this meal out of your extreme gratitude that I am returning your daughter to you safely sounding without a ransom, yes?”</p><p>Rebecca wasn’t sure who she hated more at the moment.  Yes, her in-laws had tried to kidnap her daughter, but now the smug pirate was grinning at her and asking her to pay him to get those awful people back. </p><p>“Fine, here,” she said, slapping a bill down on the table.</p><p>“They are on an island with coconut trees and birds.  The island is located somewhere in a border between here, Mexico, Florida, and Europe.”</p><p>“That… that’s a terrible tip! That doesn’t narrow it down at all!”</p><p>“Too bad, no refunds or exchanges.  If you would like another tip, please pay again. If you assault the tip-giver, the price goes up,” he noted.  Baloo looked like he really, really wanted to punch Karnage across the snout and Karnage did not want to be punched.</p><p> “How much for you to just give us the coordinates to the island?”</p><p>“And ruin the FUN?” he asked in mock innocence.</p><p>.</p><p>“So, what do we do? Do we report their disappearance to the authorities?” Baloo asked as they flew back towards Cape Suzette.</p><p>Rebecca sighed deeply, holding a very sleepy, sticky, and full Molly.  “We should, but… if what the school said is true and they really did have a court order to take Molly, then… I’ve never found myself wishing Karnage hadn’t shown mercy to someone before, but it would make things a lot easier if…  I can’t believe I’m thinking I want someone dead!”</p><p>“If someone tried to steal my kid, I think I’d feel the same way,” Baloo answered.</p><p>“We need to… we need to report them missing and face the music,” Rebecca sighed.  “Doing anything else would make us as bad as Karnage.”</p><p>.</p><p>Back at Pirate Island, Harvey was boarding a plane with a small group of Karnage’s crew.  “Take this letter to my father-in-law and it will guarantee your safe passage, assuming you hand over the fortune you promised.  His people will see to the necessary washings of the profits.” Draining bank accounts was outside of Karnage’s realm of expertise.  Besides, it would please his wife’s family to see the profit.  He knew they tended to look down on his decision to remain a pirate instead of joining the mob with the rest of them, so any chance he got to show off that he could also bring in the cash, he took.</p><p>“Daddy?” Maria asked, breaking his concentration.</p><p>“What is it, princess?”</p><p>“I was talking to Molly about mommy, and Molly asked how the baby got in mommy’s tummy, but I didn’t know.  Daddy?  Daddy, why are you making that face?”</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Father's Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Father's day brings mixed feelings for Kit and Molly... and another run in with the Karnage family.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kit raised his torch and entered the hidden room in the cave.  The glittering of gold coins reflected in his eyes.  “We’ve found it, Papa Bear! We’ve found…” Kit turned around to find himself in an empty room.  “Papa Bear…? Baloo…?” he called.</p><p>He heard several loud steps as someone crunched across the pebbles and rocks on the cave floor.  The figure that emerged out of the shadows was not Baloo. </p><p>“Hello, my former protégé,” Don Karnage said with a huge, sharp-toothed grin.  He took another step towards Kit, who shrank away from him. “You really hurted my feelings when you stabbed me in the back to take off with that oaf, Baloo. How lacking in gratitude, after I treated you like my own son!” He shook his head, still smiling at Kit. “Now that Baloo has tires of your foolishness, you will have not the choice but to come crawling back to me, yes?”</p><p>“B-Baloo wouldn’t get tired of me! We’re friends! You- you never saw me as anything but someone who was there to praise your ego!” Kit snapped.</p><p>“No one wanted a weak little orphan until I made you strong.” He kept advancing, and Kit kept backing up. “It is fair that I should demand something in return, no?”</p><p>“You know he’s right though, Lil’ Britches,” Baloo suddenly said. Kit spun around, shocked to find Baloo standing on the other side of the room.  Rebecca was there was well.  Baloo had his arm around her shoulders.</p><p>“Baloo!” Kit cried.</p><p>Baloo gave him a weird, off-centered grin.  “Oh kid, I only put up with you until something better came along. And this is something better,” he said with a laugh. Rebecca laughed as well; their voices were high and shrill.</p><p>“Ba-Baloo? Baloo, this isn’t right, this isn’t… this isn’t you!”</p><p>“Nothing is wrong with me, Kit. What is wrong with you?” Baloo asked coldly.</p><p>“No matter how hard you try to run away, you will always belong to me,” Karnage said, grabbing him by the shoulder. “You are mine.”</p><p>“Once a pirate, always a pirate,” Rebecca said in a sing-song tone.</p><p>“I…” Kit stopped and raised his fists. “I’m not afraid of you any longer!” He swung his fist angrily at Karnage.</p><p>The next moment, Kit woke up on the wooden floor of Higher for Hire, having thrown himself out of his hammock while swinging at monsters in his sleep.  He could hear Baloo snoring in his own hammock while thunder toned outside, and rain tapped at the windows.  He could still remember that when he first joined the air pirates, he was still a little bit afraid of thunderstorms.  He remembered crying in his bed from fear.  He remembered how Karnage had come in, and briefly comforting him, rubbing his shoulder and telling him that the storm wouldn’t hurt him.  When he continued to whimper though Karnage had seemingly flipped a switch and screamed at him about how real men weren’t afraid of storms, and how he was going to throw him outside in the rain if he didn’t stop with the sniffling.  That had always been the terrifying thing about his relationship with Karnage.  You never knew what mood he was going to be in at any given moment, or when his mood would suddenly switch.  One moment he could be so kind that he had almost seemed like a real father to Kit, and in the next moment, he’d become a ball of rage.  Kit, from his experience with the pirates and in the orphanage before that, almost thought that was the way everyone was until he met Baloo, Rebecca, Wild Cat… everyone.  Even though he’d been away from the pirates about as long as he’d been with them now, he still subconsciously expected Baloo to flip the way Karnage had.  He knew Baloo wasn’t like that, but it was always clouding the back of his mind like an ink stain.</p><p>He was sitting on the dock, legs dangling over the edge, when Molly approached him.  She was looking down at her feet.  She sat down on the dock next to him without saying a word.  They just sat, faces cupped in their hands, sighing.   </p><p>Baloo came out of the Sea Duck, humming a song to himself.  When he saw the two mopey kids, he stopped in his tracks.  “Why with the long faces?” he asked.</p><p> “All of the other kids at school made Father’s Day cards this week, and I…” Molly trailed off.</p><p>Kit let out a deep sigh.  “Yea, I’ve been thinking about that a lot this week too.”</p><p> Baloo paused in thought.  One might even say he was in deep thought, but Baloo was not the type to be prone to deep thoughts.  “Aw, you know I can’t stand to see sad faces moping around.  I officially cancel Father’s Day and declare it Friend’s Day! Let’s all go to Louie’s for lunch.”</p><p>“Can you do that?” Molly asked.</p><p>“I just did,” Baloo answered. </p><p>-</p><p>“Whoa, look at the crowd!” Kit said as they arrived at Louie’s, barely able to find a place to park their plane.</p><p>“What’s going on here?” Baloo asked. </p><p>“According to the sign, a Father’s Day Party,” Kit responded.  “Ah, it also says grandfathers, uncles, stepdads, and big brothers welcome,” Kit added quickly, noticing that the situation had made Baloo look uncomfortable and Molly look slightly sad. </p><p>“Well great, I’m your big brother today! That okay with you, button nose?” Baloo asked, giving Molly a quick nose boop.  She giggled slightly.</p><p>“Yeah,” she said in a tone that was unusually shy for her.  Baloo, not liking uncomfortable or tense moments, immediately seized her hand and announced in the most cheerful tone possible “Well then, what are we waiting for? Let’s go have ourselves a party!</p><p>.</p><p>They had only walked partially up the beach front when a flying ball of orange energy tackled Molly to the ground.  “MOOOOOLLY!” Maria said brightly, her tail going back and forth so quickly it created a breeze.</p><p>“Maria!” Molly replied brightly as the two embraced. </p><p>“Wait, if Maria is here, then doesn’t that mean-“ Baloo looked around and he noticed a very familiar-seeming someone trying very hard not to make eye contact with him.  Baloo had to admit, if he hadn’t known to be looking for Karnage, he probably wouldn’t have recognized him with the oversized white hat, dark sunglasses, white Hawaiian shirt with ugly palm trees on it, and tan shorts.  Baloo couldn’t keep his snickers inside.  The awkward Karnage looked RIDICULOUS.  And Baloo?  Baloo wasn’t going to miss his opportunity to give Karnage a good needling.</p><p>“Why, Karny, my old friend, old buddy!” he said, slapping his arm around Karnage’s shoulders. </p><p>“What are you doing?” he hissed in an angry whisper.  “Do not use my name!”</p><p>“I’m not, I’m calling you Karny!” Baloo whispered back through the most enormous grin possible.  “Come on, you know I’m a good guy.  It’s not like I’d blow your cover and get you possibly arrested in front of your daughter on Father’s Day.  I mean, if you were being particularly nasty to me, I might get upset and slip up and mention it, but I’d never intentionally…”</p><p>“What do you want, Baloo?” he cut in, voice flat.</p><p>“Why would you assume that I want anything other than to hang out with my old buddy, old pal, while your daughter plays with my boss’s daughter?”  “But you know, since we’re such GOOD FRIENDS, maybe you’d be interested in buying us lunch to keep up that good friendship?”</p><p>“I should have knowned it would come down to food with you.” </p><p>Molly and Maria came running up, hand-in-hand.  “Daddy, daddy! There’s a three-legged race and Molly and I want to enter!” </p><p>Through gritted teeth and a forced smile, Karnage replied “That is nice.  You and your… friend… Molly go enjoy your race, yes?”</p><p>“You don’t understand, daddy! It’s a three-legged RELAY race!  That means you and Baloo gotta run too!”</p><p>“No chance that I am going to-“</p><p>Baloo cut him off.  “Come on, Karny, it’s not like we haven’t been stuck together before.  Aren’t you up for having a little fun with the kids?”</p><p>“You are enjoying this,” Karnage growled in a whisper as Maria started dragging him towards the race site. </p><p>“You bet your tail I am,” Baloo answered in a grin.</p><p>-</p><p>“Okay, so, when I say left you move your left leg, and when I say right you move your right leg,” Baloo said.</p><p>“This is giving me unpleasant flashbacks,” Karnage responded, trying to stand as far away from Baloo as he could with two of their legs tied together.  “And I should give the orders, I am the captain!”</p><p>“I’m a captain too, buddy,” Baloo replied with a snort.  As they were continuing to argue over who should be in charge, the whistle announcing the start of the race went off.  “We don’t have time for this, so new strategy!” Baloo announced.  He put his arm around Karnage’s chest, lifting him up off the ground, and took off down the racetrack holding a very confused and squirmy Karnage in the air, essentially negating the need for him to use his untied leg. </p><p>“What was THAT about?” he asked angrily once they had tagged the kids and the kids were off down the track.  “That is not how you run a three-legged race!”</p><p>“Show me where it’s against the rules,” Baloo said through pants.  “Not that you care about the rules, right?” he continued to pant. “Phew, have you gained weight since the last time I had to carry you around like a meat backpack?” he gasped.</p><p>“I… I am still as slender as ever,” Karnage said indignantly.  “But you have certainly gotten older since the last time we were unpleasantly forced together.”</p><p>“Careful with that sass, Karny, or I might accidentally announce that we have the presence of a celebrity with us today.”  He stopped taunting when the kids rejoined them. </p><p>“We didn’t win, daddy,” Maria said, her ears slightly saggy and sounding dejected. </p><p>“Do not be sad.  Blame Baloo for running too slow,” her father comforted her, pointing jagged words at Baloo in the process.</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>“You did the running!”</p><p>“I could have run faster without having to carry you!”</p><p>“Hey, no fighting!” Maria said.</p><p>“Don’t make us tell your mommies,” Molly added with a grin.</p><p>“You’re right, button nose, if we’re supposed to be the adults, we should act like it,” Baloo agreed.  After removing the ankle tie, Baloo looked around the crowd.  “Molly, did you see where Kit went?” Baloo asked. </p><p>“No, I was looking at the race,” Molly answered.  Okay, fair enough.</p><p>“Huh, he was standing up there watching when it started.  Let’s go find him so we can all have a snack.”  Behind his glasses, Karnage rolled his eyes.  It was ALWAYS snacks with Baloo.</p><p>Molly took Maria’s hand and they walked up the beach with the adults trailing them.  “Kit!  Kiiiiiit!” Baloo called.  “Now where could he have gotten off to?”</p><p>“Do not worry your big head, it is not like he can get far,” Karnage responded.  Being used to wearing shoes was working against him, as he clearly wasn’t used to walking on hot sand. </p><p>“Yeah, but there’s enough of a crowd that him disappearing kind of worries me.”</p><p>“He is almost a young man, give him some credit for being able to take the care of himself, no?”</p><p>“He’s still a kid,” Baloo shot back.</p><p>“I was only one year older when I plundered my first cargo,” Karnage answered.</p><p>“Look, I don’t want to have this conversation with you right now.  I just want to find Kit.”  A large gust of wind blew threw at that moment, causing Karnage to have to literally hold onto his hat.  A few tables with umbrellas threatened to topple over. “You watch the girls while I go find Kit,” Baloo said, and before Karnage could even open his mouth to say anything contrary, Baloo was gone.</p><p>“How is he so fast when he wants to be?” Karnage asked no one in particular.</p><p>“Daaaaad, buy us treats,” Maria said, pulling on her dad’s arm.</p><p>“It is Father’s Day, are you not supposed to buy me the treats?”</p><p>“Okay, I can do that! Um… can I borrow some money dad?”</p><p>“Are you not a little too young to ask your dad for money?” he sighed.</p><p>As the kids were making a huge mess eating ice cream, Karnage noticed that his fur was standing on end.  You know that creepy feeling you get when someone is watching you?  He felt that all over, almost an electric tingle.  Worried that he had been recognized, he scanned the crowd.  He didn’t see anything immediately out of place, but he knew better than to ignore his instincts.  Every time he had in the past, he had gotten himself into trouble.    </p><p>“Girls, you are both very, very messy.  And sticky.  Let us go inside and get you washed off, yes?” he said, starting to herd them back up towards Louie’s main building. He wanted to put some distance between himself and the staring couple, as well as put himself and the girls in a position where it would be harder for someone with negative intentions to make a move.</p><p>With considerable effort and getting sprayed multiple times, Karnage finally got the residual ice cream off both girls. He settled them into a table with crayons and paper for the kids and a drink for himself. He genuinely did think Louie made some of the best drinks around- he just also happened to think they tasted much better when he didn’t have to pay for it.</p><p>.</p><p>Baloo finally managed to find Kit sitting on the dock by the Sea Duck.  “There you are! I was worried when I couldn’t find you,” Baloo said.  When Kit just responded with a sigh, looking down at the water, Baloo sat down next to him. He didn’t ask questions, just sat next to Kit as their legs dangled over the side.</p><p>Kit finally spoke up. “Sorry I ran off, but… seeing all the dads around and then seeing you and Karnage running the race together… you two are the only dad figures I’ve ever had. And just… what if things eventually go wrong between us like it did with…”</p><p>Baloo gave Kit a shoulder squeeze.  “You may have been in Karnage’s crew for a year, but that doesn’t mean he was any kind of dad to you.”</p><p>“But then I see him with his own daughter and… it’s ridiculous, but I start to wonder if I was the problem, not him.  I mean…”</p><p>“Kit, do not ever say that again,” Baloo said sternly. “Karnage’s problems have nothing to do with you.  That man’s got more screws loose than a hardware store in an Earthquake.”  Kit half-smiled.  “Come on, speaking of Karnage, let’s get back before Molly runs him ragged.”</p><p>.</p><p>“So, Molly, have your grandparents made a grand reappearance yet?” Karnage asked.</p><p>“Haven’t found them yet,” Molly replied.</p><p>“Hm. I suppose you would like me to tell you where…”</p><p>“I don’t want them to take me away from mommy,” Molly cut off. </p><p>They didn’t continue the conversation any further, as Baloo and Kit returned.  As Karnage was cleaning the syrup off Maria’s hands for the fourth or fifth time, they saw Rebecca pushing through the crowd, looking somewhat pale.</p><p>“Becky?! How did you get here? You knew we were taking Molly out, we…”</p><p>“That’s not it,” she interrupted, breathless.  “Baloo, Baloo… they… they found Molly’s grandparents.  Also, I took an air taxi.  You have no idea how much that costs to go from here to Cape Suzette by taxi.”</p><p>“Aw, I was hoping I could charge for another clue,” Karnage sighed, taking another drink.</p><p>“Shut up, Karny,” Baloo snapped.  “And?”</p><p>“And… they’re angry.  Really, really angry.  And… we have a problem.”</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“I… I got copies of the court papers.  They say that I’m unfit to take care of Molly because I’m a single parent!”</p><p>“That’s… that’s not true! You’re one of the best parents I’ve ever met!”</p><p>“Yeah, what Baloo said,” Kit agreed.</p><p>“The papers say I leave Molly in daycare all the time while I’m running my business, which is true, but…” she sat down and put her head in her hands.  “What can I do? They want us in court on Monday, and my lawyer thinks the judge here will agree with their judge back home that Molly should have two parents instead of one!”</p><p>“If Molly having two parents is the problem, why don’t you marry Baloo?” Maria spoke up.</p><p>“Me?! Marry him!?” Rebecca asked in shock at the same time Baloo said “Me?! Marry her!?”</p><p>“My princess has a good point.  Get married to get rid of Molly’s obnoxious grandparents, get an annulment after,” Karnage said.</p><p>“E… even if I were to marry Baloo, where would we get a priest or a justice of the peace on a Sunday, when we have to be in court Monday morning?” Rebecca stammered.</p><p>“Daddy’s a captain, and captains are allowed to marry people,” Maria pointed out.  Karnage choked on his drink.</p><p>“Princess, warn daddy to stop drinking before you say things like that,” he coughed, soda running out of his nose.</p><p>“But it’s true, daddy!”</p><p>“Oh, THAT would look good in court!  Hello judge, I had a PIRATE marry me to my EMPLOYEE the day before I’m due in court over whether I’m responsible enough to have custody of my daughter. Oh, also, he’s the guy who marooned you in the first place. Wouldn’t that look good for me?”</p><p>“Ssssh, sssh, not so loud on the irate-pay please,” Karnage said nervously.  A few people were giving them the side eye due to her loud outburst.</p><p>“You know, Karny might not be the worst choice, being able to later claim a pirate forced us to get married would be a good argument for annulment,” Baloo mused.</p><p>“Do not blame me for your problems,” Karnage snapped.</p><p>“Come on, daddy, can’t you help out a friend?”</p><p>“Molly may be your friend, but that does not mean Baloo and Rebecca are my friends.” </p><p>“Ugh, now I have to decide which is worse.  Going to court unmarried or going to court married by… him…” Rebecca sighed. </p><p>“What if you get married now and ask the lawyers which would be better before you introduce the evidence in court?” Louie asked, popping up from nowhere.  Everyone screamed and nearly fell out of their chairs.</p><p>“You were listening in?” Baloo asked in surprise.</p><p>“As a bar owner, eavesdropping is part of my job description.  I’m ready to sign as a witness if you need it.”</p><p>“I want to register that I am going into this stupid plan entirely opposed to it,” Rebecca sighed.</p><p>“Seconded,” Karnage said.</p><p>“No one asked you,” Baloo snapped.</p><p>“You want me to make a speech or something?” Karnage asked sarcastically.  “Dearest beloved, we have gathered here to…”</p><p>“Just sign a piece of paper saying you legally married them,” Louie said, shoving a piece of paper Karnage’s way.</p><p>“So anticlimatorial,” he sighed.  “You should feel honored to have my signature, many have sought it out, but few have obtained it.”</p><p>.</p><p>“Weddings are so romantic, daddy,” Maria sighed, holding her father’s hand as they returned towards the unmarked plane he used for non-pirating business.</p><p>“Yes…” he said slowly.  “I am annoyed that they did not let me give a speech.” He stopped, then got a wicked grin across his face.  “You know, Maria, my princess… I think we should send them a nice wedding gift.”</p><p>Maria frowned.  “That doesn’t sound like you, daddy.”</p><p>“Does not it?” he asked, still grinning.</p><p>.</p><p>“Have they rescheduled the court appearance yet?” Baloo asked Rebecca.  It was two days later.  All that panicking, and our court date got delayed because the grandparents had to deal with the fact that their bank accounts were drained while they were on the island first.  Can’t pay the lawyers with no money, after all.   </p><p>“Not yet. Ugh, this being up in the air is KILLING me.  And the lawyers still haven’t decided if we should keep pretending to be married or not,” Rebecca sighed, opening the day’s newspaper.  “I- IEEEEEE!” she screamed.</p><p> “What’s wrong?!” Baloo asked.</p><p>“That… that… damn Karnage!” she said, slapping the paper down.</p><p>Right on the second page was a huge ad, announcing “Friends of Baloo and Rebecca at Higher for Hire would like to congratulate them on their weekend nuptials.  Love forever!” Friends was in quotations. </p><p>“What makes you think Karnage did this?” Baloo asked.</p><p>“Only Louie, Karnage, and our lawyers knew about it.  Can you imagine Louie or the lawyers doing this? Besides, would Louie use the words weekend nuptials?”</p><p>“Maybe the lawyers if they thought it would help your case?”</p><p>“No, no, that looks exactly like what Karnage would do just to spite someone,” Kit agreed.  “He usually hates spending money, but he makes an exception when it means he gets to be obnoxious.” </p><p>“Maybe no one will notice,” Baloo suggested.  At that moment, their phone started to ring. </p><p>Rebecca answered it.  “Hello, Higher for--- yes, um… I saw the ad. Yes…” she stammered.</p><p>“No one will notice, huh?” Kit sighed.</p><p>.</p><p>“What’s so funny, daddy?” Maria asked as she noticed her father chuckling over the paper. </p><p>“Nothing, little princess. Eat your breakfast.”</p><p>“You have a letter from your wife,” Mad Dog said, handing over the envelope.</p><p>“Yay, mommy!” she said, eagerly watching as Karnage opened it.  “What does mommy have to say?”</p><p>“Mommy says… that with the extra money from fleecing the old couple… she… bought… a condo… in Cape Suzette… and she’s… moving in to be closer to me…”</p><p>“YAAAAAAY!” Maria cried cheerfully.  She didn’t notice how pale her father had gotten. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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